Jay - a Very Short Story (does include swearing)

“Oi”

Shit.

“Oi, blud!”

Shit. Maybe it’s not me. I look left. I look right. I’m the only other guy on road. Shit.

“Oi, blud!”

Who the fuck are these youts? Maybe I should turn around and show them what’s good. Nah, just pretend you can’t hear, my head says. There’s a couple buses round the corner that take me straight home. These niggas wouldn’t try shit on public transport. I turn up the volume on my iPod, D-Block spitting full blast. I casually try pick up the pace as well. These times I realise I won’t hear footsteps if these youts behind me decide to try jump me. I sneak a peek behind me. They’re fucking getting closer. Shit. Shit. Shit. For a second I get shook at the sound of Jadakiss coughing in my eardrum... KMT

“Oi, Pussyole!” I think I can hear from beyond the music.

Who the fuck are these bruddas? I’m so close to this bus stop, I could run and be there in 30 seconds. But if I run, they run. Shit. Stay calm. Now think. What did I do this time? As I try remember who would want beef with me, I feel someone pull on my shoulder, hard.

“Oi Pussyole, answer me when I’m talkin' to you.” I’m face to face with the ugliest motherfucker I’ve seen in my life. This light skinned breh’s face was parred in every way. Spots and crust, that’s all I saw. This guy was mean-mugging at me, like he was waiting for somethin'. I had to hold back a laugh when I saw how midget and minor his boys were. At 5’9 I’m not even tall, but these guys were a full head shorter than me. Why the fuck did I rush for? Waste of my fuckin energy. I pull out my iPod earphones to hear this wasteman speak.

“Oi Pussyole, are you Creeper?”

“Who?” I asked. Not again. I swear I must have one infamous lookalike roaming the endz. This ain't the first time I’ve been stopped cause of this Creeper guy.

This wasteman screws up his face and brings it to my personal space. KMT, I ain’t on a homo ting. “Are you Creeper, dumbass?”

“Not even. You got the wrong breh”

“You know what I think? I think you are Creeper, you’re just too shook to say.” This guy was jarring me with his stank breath.

My temper was rising 'cause this guy was just wasting my fuckin time. I needed to bop out of this situation. “Well I’m saying you’ve got the wrong guy innit. My name’s not Creeper, never has been, never will be. My name's Jay. So I’m gonna fall out now cause mans got places to be, Fam,” I said.

“You ain’t goin' nowhere, Pussyole. You think you can jump one of my boys and get away with it? Own up or I’ll fucking murk you here and now, PUSSYOLE, “he spat his stank breath at me.

My head went into overtime...

Alright, keep your cool. What’s my options?

A) ‘fess up to something I didn’t do = get beaten up.

B) Don’t ‘fess up to something I didn’t do = get beaten the shit out of.

C) Run = get FUCKED up.

Not even D-Block can save me now. Oh shit.

Happy Ash Wednesday...time 4 Lent

So I'm hoping you guys spent yesterday pigging out on pancakes and your guilty pleasures... because today is now Ash Wednesday. Oh yes it is, my beautiful people. And you know what that means? All those guilty pleasures need to be avoided for the next 40 days. So the chocolate, cigarettes, Call of Duty, etc, its time for you to give it a complete rest. If Jesus can live for 40 days in the desert without food and water, then I'm sure you can live without COD for just over a month. This may even benefit you. For those who love to procrastinate using facebook, twitter, video games, reality tv shows etc, I'm sure you have some kind of coursework or dissertation due in March, right? Well this gives you an opportunity to solely concentrate on your studies and remain focused. And for those of you who love pigging out on utter crap like takeaways or stuff like cigarettes which are slowly damaging your lungs, perhaps this will help you grow out of these addictions.

Lets do this guys. Lets make ourselves better people, physically, mentally and spiritually... if not for 40 days then at least try it for 2 weeks... avoiding these things may become so routine that we don't notice it. And if you are reading this post AFTER Ash Wednesday and are thinking "Darn it! I'm too late!".. your wrong! There's 40 days till Easter guys, a week of sacrificing these things is better than nothing.

And what am I giving up for Lent, you ask.... well the list is..

-Coca Cola (and all other fizzy drinks)

-Chocolate

-Take Aways & Eating Out

-PROCRASTINATION!

lol but let's not be hasty! Its my 21st bday in a months time... and for my birthweek I will be doing and eating whatever the hell I want, OKAY! lol but straight after that I'll be back to sacrificing.

Anyway, I'll let you know how it all goes...

Peace & Love xoxoxox

BAD SONG ALERT!

Two of the stupidest songs I've heard.. where is the creativity these days?

Omarion: (8) I think my girl is Bi ay ay ay ayyy (8)
Chris Brown: (8) They follow me like Twitter (8) and Chris Breezy rapping? (after the 1st chorus.)

what the hell?

Letoya Luckett's new song

Letoya Luckett has always been my favourite Child of Destiny, so I've always followed her solo career. So I kinda fell in love with her last song Regret ft Ludacris (please listen if you do not already know it.) But here we have her brand new video. Here recent videos havent been the greatest quality, as she's having a couple of problems with funding from her record company or whatever. Anyway, minus that I really like this video. Its warm and has perfect timing with valentines day. Also, she was looking sooo cute and sexy, I would marry her if I could. Lol! And the guy in the video is quite a hottie... I've seen him in something before but cant quite remember.

The song itself is catchy and lets face it, it talks about everything that a girl wants in a man. [HINT HINT to all the single men reading this post].

My Drive for Optimism - Let me tell you something personal

Now I'm going to use this post to rant a little. Nothing in particular is spurring me on other than the quote shown. Please read it before you continue. Read it? Great. This is a quote made by Joseph Campbell and basically captures my own personal opinion in terms of life and success and opportunities.

You could definitely call me an optimistic person. When things are rough and certain life events are trying to hold me back in life, I'm not gonna stand still and let them stop me. No, I'm gonna push against the wind. That's how I am and I think that's the best way to be. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.

I hate when people blame their lack of success on their circumstances. And yes, I do understand that there are a lot of situations out there that can mess you up. Death in the family, battered families, etc etc. I understand that fully and that is probably why I want to become a child psychotherapist. I want children and teenagers to believe that they can EXCEED their circumstances. I want them to reflect on their experiences and stop their experiences reflecting on THEM.

When did bumming around become socially acceptable just because you came from a lower-class, single-parent family. Eff that. Let me tell you something personal. I came from a single parent family. At the time that my mum and dad got together, my dad was married to somebody else but seperated. However, a couple of years later he started living with his wife again. For the 1st decade of my childhood, I saw my dad once a week, who lives about a 10 minute walk from my house. Then at the age of 11, he retired and stopped coming to see me. No one understood why. So I remember there was a day that my mum took me to his house to go see him. Only he wasn't at the house, or even in the country. He had built a house in Jamaica and moved there. No goodbye. There were times where he would come back to England to check on his wife and older kids, but never check on me, even thou we lived so near by. Now I've heard plenty more fucked up families than this, but trust me this is only part 1 of my daddy issues.

The point is I was 11 years old. This is the kind of thing that would take its toll on an 11 year old, even just a little bit. My mum's first reaction was "a child needs her father". My reaction to her reaction was "to hell with that..." I didn't mope about or cry or anything. But I do remember thinking to myself "I don't care, I don't need him and I'm gonna show him how much I don't need him in my life." I was always a smart child in school, but when this happened to me I raised to the top of my classes. I made promises to myself that I would be successful and financially-privileged so that the day my Dad decides to come back into my life, show him what i achieved without him. I have seen my dad a couple of times since and he sends me bday cards and xmas cards every year nowadays. In fact, before I started uni he came to see me. I didn't make much of an effort to spend time with him, since he didnt make an effort with me before. But before he left to go back to Jamaica, he gave me a cheque for £5000. Yes you read it right. £5000. I still haven't spent this money by the way, its in a savings account somewhere. Very generous of him, right? But I'm sorry I can't be bought. Though I will spend it. Lol am I a bitch for this?

Anyway, my point is, I took a negative situation and made it work for me for the better. All that you need is to create a dream for yourself. Its not hard. Everyone has something in life that makes them happy. Whether its to dance, to write, to babysit. You just need to find that thing and think how can I use this to make me both happy and successful. Love what you do and do what you love. And as the quote above says, new doors will open for you that you probably were not looking for before. This is how life works. Its not going to help if you don't ask for help. And if anyone has ever read or watched The Secret (by Rhonda Byrne and others) you will know that positive thinking brings opportunities and positive experiences. So if you are not already doing so, START NOW!

But please remember...

Always Chase the Dream, but Never Refuse to see Reality

Rihanna's New RudeBoy

Neosoul At Its Best - "She was Way Too Fly for Me..."

If you read my previous post, you will have seen me briefly mention a beautiful song. Here it is! It was playing in the background of the video blog I posted below. I just HAD TO have it. I initially thought it was Eric Roberson (neosoul artist... get to know if you do not already). But no...

Introducing..... Jesse Boykins III. If there is anyone that knew about him and didn't introduce me before now... SHAME ON YOU *slaps you on the wrist*

I'm a big fan of neosoul, and this is what I would call neosoul at its best. This song is so sexy and sensual. Its just amazingly beautiful and completely addictive. Even before the verse dropped, I was just like " I NEED this song in my life." And I'm so in love with JB3's voice. Its very silky and sexy. Definently has a similar tone to Eric Roberson. And JB3 is actually a hottie. JB, if you see this, holla @ me ;-) lol I joke, I joke

Thats NOT him in the video, by the way.

Please enjoy, appreciate and comment my "amorous" people....

The Valentines Challenge...

So its coming up to that time again. Good ol' St Valentines. Now most people either hate it or love it. Me personally, I think Valentines day is a great day to stop to remember the people in your life that you truly care for and appreciate. I'm not going to lie I secretly wish I had someone to have a kiss and cuddle with on this day. However, I'm not a fan of how it has been soo commercialised along with all the public holidays and saints days into a money-spending fest. Why can't a sentimental hug, kiss or a simple day out be enough? Or a single red rose? Everyone loves those right? Write me a poem. Draw me a portrait, even if its just a stick man lol.

I know most people hate valentines day because it reminds them that they are single and everyone else in the world isn't. THIS IS A LIE. All the couples have been hiding indoors for the other 364 days in the year. Its on valentines day that they all show their faces lol. But besides that, valentines day isn't just about your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife. Its about all the people you love and care about. The people that make your world go round. The people that make your day any day with a simple text/pin/msg/call/etc etc. THESE are the people you should be spending quality time with.

Quick Storytime. A couple of months ago I went to my hairdressers house and I met this lovely young lady who was also there. She was funny, friendly and sweet. Very charismatic and automatically reminded me of one my closest pre-uni friends. So we added each other on facebook and messaged each other a couple of times. Anyway, yesterday she posted this video and once I watched it I knew I had to post it on my blog. She proposes a challenge for us all. So please have a butchers. Let me know what you think or if you are going to try it.

And a message to the single-status people, no one can love you more than you love yourself. If you're not at that stage yet, I suggest you start before "the one" you are waiting for makes an appearance.

Peace & Love.

PS I'm going to post the background song from this video cause it is so beautiful.

I HAVE to HAVE this!!!

This is the cutest playsuit I have ever seen. Lol I love revamped vintage, so its right up my street. I have a clear image of me wearing it this summer in Manhattan with my hair cut short and big round sunglasses and some sandals... sigh! Everything else is planned... all I need now is the playsuit!

HAHA Memories!

Have you forgotten me? - one of my old poems

Ok, so randomly signed into my myspace page (dont judge me) and I found this poem that I wrote way back when. Just thought I'd post it. Its not one of my best, but I guess its sweet and sad at the same time. Its pretty clear what its about... blaming yourself for a breakup that clearly wasn't your fault...


What are you doing?
Where are you now?
Have you forgotten me?
Do you wish i was still around?
Do you ever wish that we were still together?
Do you ever think we could have lasted forever?

Do you ever think of what could have been?
I lay awake @ night thinkin of what should have been
Wrapping my arms around my body
firm and tight
Wishing it was you
Keeping me warm in the night

I wonder, are you stil with her?
And who is she?
What is it you see in her
that you couldnt see in me
If i looked like her would you stay
If i dressd like her would you have never gone away
If i did the things she did for you, would you stay one more day

And if we had another day
would it make a difference?
Just so I could clean up my mistakes
and make us go the distance
If only you could tell me what it is i did wrong...
What it is that broke the strength of something i thought was strong
I wish i could pull back what it is that pushed you to lust
I wish you hadnt abused my trust
Life without you is filled with jealousy
I wish it would take you out of her arms and bring you back to me

Is it me, or is this slightly creepy??

If I were a man, I would be a huggeeee fan of women with thick bodies. But isn't this a bit TOO MUCH?? Guys let me know... would you still hit that? lmao

Ranting about Relationships.. Pt 1

So I was having a Skype conversation with one of my closest friends today and we were having a conversation about relationships and guys etc etc. And she inspired me with the idea for this quote...

A guy should not CHANGE you as a person but ENHANCE you as a woman

Now, let me tell you what I mean by this. An unknown author (sorry just randomly found this quote somewhere) once said Soul-mates are people who bring out the best in you. They are not perfect but are always perfect for you. That being said, why do certain relationships do the complete opposite. Now, I'm probably the least experienced person when it comes to being in a relationship, but as an outsider and friend I observe and hear a lot about relationships. I know enough to know that the relationship between a man and a woman differs from that between a mother and son or a teacher and pupil. The main difference? There is no SUPERIOR! Neither person in the relationship is more advanced than the other. Unless you are psychic or are a character from the TV show FlashForward, you are going into the relationship as blindly as the other person is. It doesn't matter how many previous relationships you've had. I don't give a flying monkey!

Now back to my main purpose of this post. I don't understand relationships where someone is being told what to do. For example, "you can't wear that", "you can't be friends with her", or "where do you think you're going?" What the hell is this? I do not care how much you love this person, but unless he/she gave birth to you, they should not be telling you how to live your life. How can you let someone else tell you how to be yourself? WTF. That makes no sense. And if you honestly believe that your partner knows you better than you know yourself, then you are either insecure, stupid or you have been highly manipulated in this fantastic relationship of yours. I'm just saying. And yes, I know that when you are with someone that you truly love and care about you feel a difference (please note, a DIFFERENCE, not DIFFERENT). You can say you feel complete, or whatever it is music lyrics say these days, but in one word you feel ENHANCED. Like a better version of yourself. An upgrade. You are still yourself, but with a clearer mind. Maybe more positive. Whatever. But you are not a completely different person to the single-status version of you.

Fine Example: "I don't rave anymore". There's many possible reasons to this, such as "I've grown out of it" or "its the same shit, different toilet". What I don't want to hear is "cause my man don't want me to." WTF is this? When did we regress back to secondary school? Does this mean that being in a relationship also means sacrificing the rest of our social life? In the worst case scenario, the girlfriend that demands that you can't be friends with Tyrone anymore, may be the same woman that in 4 years time with your ring on her finger demands that you can't be involved with your family anymore. Once you become victim to these things and accept it, you are only welcoming it to come back with more strength. Or am I talking utter crap, right now. Let me know.

I'm gonna stop now before I go off topic. Let me just say, a main ingredient in a healthy relationship is trust and respect, we need to remember to both give and receive this. Before I go let me leave you with a quote by Leo Buscaglia....

Don't smother each other. No one can grow in the shade

The Thickness - Poetry by Jill Scott

Have you ever stopped to think how superficial our world is? Do you believe that looking a certain way automatically puts you or prunes you into a certain type of person just because that's how people in society see you this way? Am I just rambling on? Haha.

If you play the video below, you will understand exactly what I mean. This is another favourite poem of mine and is actually quite opposing to Phenomenal Women (Maya Angelou) which I posted previously. Instead, The Thickness talks about how having a certain look affects the attitudes of others and in turn affects your own attitudes about yourself. In particular, this poem talks about men and their affect on teenage girls growing up into the world. Because lets be honest, when we are teenagers we don't know who the hell we are and what's wrong or right. Its society that should be guiding her with these issues. But, as Jill Scott says, video girls that have nothing to do with the music they are featuring in are hardly ideal idols. Jill also talks about how chauvinistic men can be, ignoring a girl's mind for her body. I'm no a feminist or man-hater, but this poem speaks truth. Real Talk!

This poem is a bit explicit and erotic and quite sexy. Don't listen to it if you can't handle that lol

THROWBACK!!

Who remembers the R&B videos from the 90's and early 00's where they always had a break or remix in the middle? I do!! Haha, Feelin' So Good by Jennifer Lopez (yes, before she became JLo) popped into my head. The way I used to love this song in my early adolescence. I actually used to pretend I was the main girl in the video. I just wanted to frigging be there! And the dance in the middle?! Believe I tried to copy that. Imagine this was a good decade or so ago! Gosh. They dont make tunes like this no more *sobs*

In the words of P. Coelho

Paulo Coelho - Amazing writer

At least one thing you will learn about me from this blog is the fact that I am a complete, utter insane bookworm! Sounds weird but I love words. I love to read them and I love to write and play with them. You will also learn that I am a hugeee fan of Paulo Coelho, a Brazilian writer that you may or may not have heard of. If you have never ventured to read on eof his works, I HIGHLY advise you to. There's something for everyone, but as a first time reader I would probably suggest you read either The Alchemist (his first book & international bestseller) or The Winner Stands Alone (his latest published book). Once again, these are available from my own personal library. Just ask nicely ;) As I'm such a fan and a huge optimist you're probably gonna see alot of PC's quotes posted here and there. Enjoy.

Recently Added to my Ipod

Soo I have a deadline on wednesday but procrastination has taken over my senses. So I've been updating myself on the newest videos as well as some oldies, and realised theres a couple that needed to be on my iPod. So why not share the good stuff with you? So heres my top 5 new additions (in no particular order).......

1. Window Seat - Erykah Badu

So Ms. Badu is coming out with her new album (finally!) at the end of March (such an exciting month for me!) This is the first track from her new album and you know what?.. im feeling it! I love that music is always changing direction but her vibe always remains the same. This is the song I can just chill to no matter what I'm doing or where I am or who I'm with. Loving it!

2. OMG (Oh My Gosh) - Sabrina Washington

Soooo I've been hearing for the past year or so that Sabrina (former Misteeq member) was coming back with a solo career. Well now its official. When I initially heard this song I was thinking"wtf?" Lol its kinda growing on me. The video and certain instruments in the song remind me of Lady Gaga "Bad Romance". Just me?? Well, Sabrina's looking good in this video!

3. Parachute - Cheryl Cole

I'm not ashamed to say I'm a slight Cheryl Cole fan. I thought her first solo track "Fight for this love" and "3 words" featuring Will.I.Am were just one-off's. But after hearing this track I'm really tempted to download her album... hmmmmm. The video is SEXY!

4. The Beggar - Mos Def

I love me some Mos Def... so why the hell did I only find out about this song today?! This song is actually quite emotional, which you will realise this when you hear Mos sing the high note (4:20). I grew up listening to Bob Marley and there's definently some Bob Marley influences in this song. Enjoy.

5. Yes I Do - Miles Bonny *NEO-SOUL ALERT*

OKAY, so I know I said these videos aren't in any particular order, well slight lie. THIS IS MY FAVOURITE TRACK RIGHT NOW. I'm really into neo-soul, so last week I went on a search on ye olde youtube to find something new. And then I came across this guy. Miles Bonny. Oooh whats this? I thought, he doesnt look very neo-soul-ish. This guy is the SHIZNIT! This song is actually from 2007, its a shame he didnt get further into the game. Me and my friend have been playing it alll week. We are addicts to this song. Total friggin addicts! Don't play this video, unless you are prepared!

Phenomenal Woman

I'm going to share with you something that I find so beautiful and uplifting. Its a poem by Maya Angelou. I love poetry and I discovered this poem in the film Poetic Justice, starring Tupac Shakur (RIP), Janet Jackson and Regina King. The film focuses on a woman who has been left with bitterness, after a past full of drama, and so she transforms this bitterness and pain into poetry. All the featured poems in the film are written by Maya Angelou, who I am now a huge fan of. I'd advise everyone to watch the movie, its actually quite good. If I actually know you, ask me nicely and you can borrow the DVD from me.

Anyway, back to the poem at hand. So when I first watched this film over a year ago, two particular scenes stood out to me. The first is from the picture above. Not going to tell you why I like this scene or what happens because then I'll just be ruining it for you. Lets just say its a simple and sentimental gesture that I couldn't help but be touched by. Anyway, the second and more important scene features this poem, Phenomenal Woman by Maya Angelou. Its a poem that uplifts and praises oneself as, yeah you've guessed it, a phenomenal woman. And yes, it is a conceited poem but somehow seems matter-of-fact rather than arrogant. Anyway, this poem has had a huge impact on my life in the past year. Its helped me see that no I am not perfect, and nobody is, but people love that. I can honestly say I love this poem soo much that I would love for it to be read at my funeral (sorry to sound morbid :-/ ) So I hope this poem means as much to you as it does to me. Here it goes (comments welcome) :

PHENOMENAL WOMAN

by Maya Angelou

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies

I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size

But when I start to tell them

They think I'm telling lies.

I say,

It's in the reach of my arms

The span of my hips,

The stride of my step,

The curl of my lips.

I'm a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That's me.

I walk into a room

Just as cool as you please,

And to a man,

The fellows stand or

Fall down on their knees.

Then they swarm around me,

A hive of honey bees.

I say,

It's the fire in my eyes

And the flash of my teeth,

The swing of my waist,

And the joy in my feet.

I'm a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That's me.

Men themselves have wondered

What they see in me.

They try so much

But they can't touch

My inner mystery.

When I try to show them,

They say they still can't see.

I say

It's in the arch of my back,

The sun of my smile,

The ride of my breasts,

The grace of my style.

I'm a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That's me.

Now you understand

Just why my head's not bowed.

I don't shout or jump about

Or have to talk real loud.

When you see me passing

It ought to make you proud.

I say,

It's in the click of my heels,

The bend of my hair,

The palm of my hand,

The need of my care,

'Cause I'm a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That's me.

The Beginning of Me...

Hey,

I'm Tasha.

Sorry about the cheesy beginnings, intro's arent really my thing. If you actually know me, you've probably guessed this.

Rule no.1 Never judge me by 1st, 2nd or 3rd impression. I grow with time. Just like any other person.

My theory is I'm a remarkable person, but why should everyone be allowed to see and abuse that. No. My shyness is not a challenge for me, its a challenge for YOU. YOU show me WHY I should show you me. There's not enough of me to go around so I'm only going to show it to the people that deserve it.

And "who are these deserving people?" you ask. Well, why would I give that away? Its hardly rocket science anyway.

Let's just say those with little patience, who normally turn out to be the individuals who are only searching to see what they can GAIN from knowing you, they don't get very far with me. Nope. They overlook and go "ON To the Next One" (sorry kinda feeling that tune at the mo lol.) I don't need those people in my life...friendship isn't about GAIN, guys, its about BALANCE. And I'm not talking about your bank account or a balance between giving a receiving. I'm saying a balance within mind, body and soul. When you're having a bad week, the ones that DESERVE to be your friends will be there to change the in-equilibrium, just by being themselves. and us remarkable people are always there for them.

I'm just saying.

Anyway, welcome to my blog :)

RDorable xoxo