Killing Me With Criticism

It must cause you severe pain,
To congratulate me on my gains.
Perhaps it gives you thorough distress
to acknowledge and praise my success.

Would it kill you to rant of my excellence,
rather than my nuisance?
You speak as though I am a hindrance
yet have ignored my brilliance.

So I ask, why do you speculate my flaws,
And magnify the problems they cause?
And why must your awes and applause
become hushed beneath the loud scratching of your claws?

Like a mouse I am caught,
in the shadow of fraught.
It is a hawk that makes me distraught,
that tears me apart with angry words and thoughts.

I plead you to stop ripping me, limb by limb
or hitting me with your poisonous sting.
Do not accept me with cringing,
or judge me and blame it on caring.

Remember, I am not your prey, I am your friend,
Don't loathe, but love me as nature intends.

Amorous = the video!!!

Luckily for us, JB3 got stuck in London due to the volcanic ask malarkey, which meant he couldn't go back to the video shoot scheduled in the States. So what did that mean for JB3? Shoot the video is London, duhhh!

If you have read my earlier posts on JB3, you will know how much I love this song. In fact, since February, my appreciation for this song, Amorous, has transformed into complete adoration. This song is so INTENSELY BEAUTIFUL within its lyrics and SIMPLISTICALLY SENTIMENTAL within its vibe. And it is only right that I was hoping the same with the video.

SUCCESS!!! The video is so simple, gray-scale scenic shots of London. I love how video producers can make gritty London look so delicate. JB3's presence among the soft London background is adorable, the crazy hair and the chilled-ness as he strolls around London. What I love most is the sentimental, candid scenes of couples... Particularly the old couple lol.

I couldn't have pictured a better video for the song I adore :-D

"She was way too fly for me, so I tried to grow wings"

10 things I Must Do This Summer

In no particular order:

1. Write a personal and sentimental poem and share it with a crowd (open mic night)
2. Regain my passion for sketching and painting
3. Go to the planetarium & watch a ballet in theatre
4. Get creative in the park and bring a picnic
5. Go to a spa
6. Play a bigger impact on the lives of my nephews
7. Brainstorm and begin to write a novel
8. Become a volunteer
9. Learn to make Oxtail stew :-P
10. The final one is top secret :-D

New Music Vids

Podophilia ( The Love of Feet)

A couple of my friends produced this video as part of their coursework. It's really impressive and funny, so I thought I should share some talent with y'all :-D

Random Thought

Perhaps she is not herself because she does not know WHO she IS.

Total Embarrassment

There are so many things wrong with this video and this song... every time I watch it I find something new to laugh at....HA!! They should feel ashamed!

One of the Coolest Music Vids

I was meaning to post this a while ago but completely forgot. This video is so graceful, quirky and creative. If you haven't seen it already, you will watch it and become instantly mesmerised. The song is also really beautiful :-D Let me know what you think, leave a comment.

The top gets higher the more that I climb

Lil Wayne

Chinese Proverb

If you want happiness for an hour, take a nap.

If you want happiness for a day, go fishing.

If you want happiness for a year, inherit a fortune.

If you want happiness for a lifetime, help somebody

Happy Birthday Chris Brown

Now, I am far from the biggest Chris Brown fan, but before the that silly song Forever & the whole hitting Rihanna thing, I had a nice appreciation for his music. Its a shame, his vibe has kinda changed. I'm really not feeling. But hey, thats the way the cookie crumbles. Artists change up their styles to appeal to the younger, fresher audiences. They can't please wrinkled prunes like ourselves all the time.

I may as well dedicate this post to Chris Brown on his 21st birthday. It's weird realising that he has been with us as a music artist for 5 years now.

I have posted my favourite Chris Brown song. It's one of the unreleased tracks following his first album and I used to play it all the damn time. It depicted to me what I would love to feel, eventually, in a relationship. Anyway, gonna keep this short and sweet. Enjoy.

Evaluate the Self (poem)

Are you her?

Is that you?

Does your reflection represent the woman you wanted to grow into?

Are you happy

With who you are?

Or would you flinch and cringe at your own memoir?

Would you be proud

If your child imitated a life like your own?

Or regret the mistake of creating such a clone?

Do you know your strengths?

Aware of your flaws?

Perhaps now is the time to pull them with your claws.

Shoes I NEED!!!

Both currently available from Aldo

RDorable Says:

Princesses dream the dream. Queens live it.

Is hiphop dead????

Nope... all the good stuff is covered in shit by the mainstream rappers. Not mentioning any names.

Ask me anything

Do you know who you are voting for?

No idea yet...I missed the last two live debates, so I'm gonna catch up on Monday. I'm leaning towards Lib Dem though. I'm a fan of change.

Ask me anything

what was your fave tv show as a kid?

I loved SMTV! It was the best...I wanted to go on set. :-(

Ask me anything

what is the best way to make you smile?

An unexpected compliment normally works...nothing cheesy or sexual though. Sarcasm works too. Or even better...if you smile, I smile. :-)

Ask me anything

what is one of your fave quotes?

To do and regret or to regret not doing at all. I live by this quote.

Ask me anything

Who are you 3 fave singers, currently?

No particular order, Ledisi (I love her I love her!), Erykah Badu (of course) and I dunno...maybe Esmee Denters you know...I remember when she was jus a youtuber.

Ask me anything

Who was the last person you spent longer than 5 mins on the phone to, and enjoyed the convo, not wishing to get off?

Not saying the person's name, but it was last night. Its actually a common feeling when I talk to this person on the phone to be honest :-)

Ask me anything

Are you picky when it comes to guys?

You could say that...if the personality ain't right. Also the "game"...what happened to realness?

Ask me anything

If you had to go somewhere in England for a week, that wasn't a major city, where would it be?

Hmmmm somewher new to me...maybe Somerset...I hear they have nice cosy cottages. It would be great to escape from the city and be surrounded by nature. I would bring my notebook and sketchbook, and just gret creative. Being outside the box, helps me think outside the box.

Ask me anything

Is there one person that your thinking of right now?

C'est possible...perhaps I am thinking about other things, but that person keeps re-emerging.

Ask me anything

do you believe in the idea of having one true love?

See I'm not sure about this. The whole soul mate thing. What if you meet that person and fall in love and for whatever reason he dies? Does that predispose you to singleness forever or settling for second best? And what if second-best finds his true love while ur married? Maybe its just that love isn't a concrete feeling...more like we can experience different flavours of love...I don't know *Kanye shrug*

Ask me anything

Who is one person you really want to see perform live?

Surprisingly enough, Lady Gaga...I think she would be strangely amazing. Or Beyonce, back in her Dangerously In Love days.

Ask me anything

Top three rappers at the mo?

In no particular order... Wale, J Cole, Joell Ortiz

Ask me anything

RDorable Says:

Don't take time for granted, cause it will leave you in a second...

Boredom does what boredom does.

In the words of P. Coelho

When I get everything I want,

I will die of boredom

Paulo Coelho

The Emotional Me :D

Its fair to say, I am an emotional person, Now, before you jump to conclusions, this does not mean that I will switch from smiles to tears within a number of seconds in public domain. Uh uh. Though I am not ruled by them, I am very in tune with my emotions. Why challenge your feelings? They are there for a reason, aren't they? You're not going to ignore your thoughts and opinions just because they don't correspond with everybody else's, are you? [SIDENOTE: If you do do this, that's a different issue. You are clearly stuck in GROUPTHINK mode. Perhaps, you should go back a couple of posts and read the poem I wrote about this topic.]

So yes, I am harmonious with my feelings, we understand each other. And as a result of this, I can be easily moved by sensitive stimuli. Fine example, at the age of 8, I had woken up one morning and plopped myself in front of the television. Now, I was a slightly impatient child (that's one thing I have grown out of :-P), and whenever commercial breaks came on I would flick over to MTV or VH1 or whatever. So, the music video for Celine Dion's My Heart Will Go On comes on. I am sure you have all seen it. A couple of shots of Celine singing and the rest is compiled with snippets from the Titanic movie. To this day, I believe I was the only person on this Earth, that cried just from watching that music video. I was transfixed, with tears streaming down my face. Lol Pathetic. I'm intuitive, shoot me.

So yes, I am sure you understand the dynamics of my emotional processes. All I want to say is don't be afraid to express yourself. Just because our feelings aren't as concrete as facts and figures, doesn't mean they should be ignored. No one can judge you for feeling. If we were meant to be robots, then God would have made us that way. Lol, even Edward Scissorhands succumbed to his feelings. Ha!

Anyway, I'm going to leave you with three songs that I ultimately love and that have the power to bring me to tears (not all the time, come on now). Enjoy and don't cry too much... lol!

RDorable Says:

I got so caught up in his world, that I forgot about the demands of my own.

In the words of P. Coelho

In fairy tales, the princesses kiss the frogs and frogs become princes.

In real life, the princesses kiss princes and the princes turn into frogs.

P. Coelho(By the River Piedra, I sat down and wept)

RDorable Says:

"Simple formula: [ Love + Deceit ] x Reverse Psychology = Perfect Parenting! Loool! "

RDorable says:

"We worry too much about what we may fail to achieve. Instead we should focus on the blessing of what we already have."

Would you tell your crush you liked them?

ermmmmmmm depends if I get that vibe, ya dig?

Ask me anything

A Note to God - Poem

Tonight, the stars shine down on my face,

and somewhere above smiles the heavenly grace

of God, my protector, father and friend

Who watches over my journey, from beginning to end.

Now I know I have abandoned my part of the deal,

But I want to be worthy before I lay by your heels.

I am bettering myself to give you the best of my love.

I admire you're patience, waiting up there, above.

I love that you are tolerate of my selfish ways,

I pray for my needs and you receive little of my praise.

But you continue to grace my world with your touch,

For this I am truly thankful, read my heart, you'll see how much.

So tonight, I search your presence in the skies,

And pray for you to notice the desperation in my eyes.

Please erase my fears and replace it with surety

And continue to bless me today, tomorrow and forever with your security.

U always distraced in the library?

lol no not always.. as long as I dont have my phone and I have good music with me. Even then, I have a bit of imagination, so I might get into a daydream or two. Why you ask? Is it that obvious? *embarrased face*

Ask me anything

RDorable Says:

"Difference between a woman and a girl? A woman knows her worth. A girl is striving to be worthy."

RDorable says:

"You always have that one person in your life that doesnt come under any title because they're more than a word to you..."

In the words of P. Coelho

"Haters are confused admirers who can't understand why everybody loves you"

Paulo Coelho

Jamie Cullum's Magic

Now let me start by saying, I am far from a Rihanna fan. In particular I HATE her song "Please Don't Stop the Music". That song ruined my life the summer that it came out. It was all over television, in people's cars, a work. Even on holiday in Lanzarote, I had to walk out of a bar because I couldn't stand it anymore. So I think you get the jest when I say I hated that song with a passion.

So I was at work a couple of weeks ago (La Senza) and this song comes on. I could tell it was Jamie Cullum because he has a unique tone to his voice. I was loving the song, I was in my own little bubble. But why wad I singing along? The first time I've heard this song, yet I knew the words! WTH! I was starting to get creeped out. Then I realised he was probably covering an old track. I was racking my brains here. When I realised he was singing the same song that I have HATED for so long, I wanted to jump off a cliff lol.

This is truly MAGICAL. This version is so beautiful and intimate, compared to the club classic Rihanna created. I refuse to actually watch the video, because I have my own little version of a video in my head and I refuse to tarnish it. If you want to know what the video is, email me lol. But anyway, I'm a big fan of Jamie Cullum when he does his covers. I don't know if you've heard any of his previous covers, such as Frontin by Pharell, High & Dry by Radioheads, but they are beautiful. He puts his soul into them. I just wish he did a album with nothing else but covers from different genres. *Sigh* a girl can dream.

I absolutely love this song and I hope you appreciate it too...

JB3 singing on the London Underground!

"GroupThink" (quick poem)

As the group thinks,

the individual sinks
Into an abyss
and becomes dismissed.

And in its place
is embraced a new face,
to erase the abase
the individual had feared.

So now the individual is disguised,
a puppet designed to comply
with society's beliefs and lies,
in order to fit in.

But deep down parches a pain,
where in the abyss remains
the individual
pleading to fight against society's tame.

Love this song & very cute video!

Hooked to this song like a fat kid & cake.....

In the words of P. Coelho

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”
Paulo Coelho

They sleep, we grind

Random

My eyes have burnt with so much anger,
my nose has smelt so much fear,
My ears have shuddered from the pressure
My lips have tasted too many tears.

But now my eyes smile,
and my nose wrinkles with wonder
My ears are open to sound
And my lips have sprung up rather than under.

Fellaz Please Realise...

#FellazPleaseRealize us women are a fu*king brilliant species. And with brilliance comes hard work and determination. Dont give up on us!

Ladies Please Realise....

#LadiesPleaseRealize you've gotta provide for yourself before you let any man provide for you.

#LadiesPleaseRealize the only ppl in your relationship are you and your fella... not Pam, Tanisha and Chantelle. Dont get ur mates involved

#LadiesPleaseRealize make-up is supposed to enhance and highlight your facial features... not give you a second face -_-

#LadiesPleaseRealize your worth...Insecurity is a major turn off.

#LadiesPleaseRealize finding a man isnt gonna bring you confidence. Finding yourself will.

My Apologies

This is a public apology, not only to those that are reading this, but also to myself, for my lack of bloggage lol. I have been crazy busy over the past month or so, with my 21st birthday, dissertation deadline and now revision overload. And I have been dying to blog. There are so many topics I feel that I need to address. But when it comes down to it, I click NEW POST, and sit here and my mind goes blank. There's so much other stuff (deadlines, etc) blocking me from writing ANYTHING. I've been urging to write poetry or a prose and when it comes to actually doing it, my hands don't want to because they know they should be busy doing something more important. SIGH. Its a hard knock life.

But don't worry, I won't be too long and I will try my best to leave kisses of my presence on my blog with some quotes or random thoughts.

Thank you for reading this, and I hope your life is as blessed as can be.

RDorable

xxxxxx

Telephone - Lady Gaga ft. Beyonce

I have been waiting soooooo long for this damn video. And I must say, it was definently worth the wait! This video is psychotic, sassy and sexy. The video is Thelma Louise meets Quentin Tarantino, with its hoes-over-bros theme, bright colours and comic book captions. As usual, Be & Gaga look HOTT. I'm loving Beyonce's blue dress. Oooh and how could I forget, Tyrese is in the video :D (hubba hubba!)

I also love the fact that Gaga addresses the rumours of her being a transsexual/hermaphrodite in the prison scene. She is strip-searched and man-handled by a female prison-warden who then cheekily says "I told you she didn't have a d*ck!" looooool.

I hope you enjoy this 9 minute video, because I surely did.

formspring.me

Ask me anything :) http://formspring.me/RDorable

Inspiration of the Week - Dave LaChapelle pt 2

LAST SUPPER

ANOINTING

RAPE OF AFRICA

AMANDA AS ANDY'S MARILYN

ALICIA KEYS: BURNING PIANO

I ENVY YOUR LIFE

PAMELA ANDERSON: SECRET GARDEN

PAMELA ANDERSON: MIRACLE TAN

Inspiration of the Week - Dave LaChapelle

The main idea is: Thinking outside of the box!

Background: Dave LaChapelle is photographer and video director who adds comedy to the fashion and advertising world. He received his first big break at the age of 19 or 20, when he was offered a job by the Andy Warhol himself, as a photographer. His work has been published in magazines such as Interview, GQ, Vanity Fair and Rolling Stone, as well as four books of his own photography. He has worked with major celebrities such as Madonna, Lady Gaga, Muhammad Ali and Drew Barrymore

Achievements & Awards: "Best New Photographer of the Year" - French and Photo and American Photo magazine, 1995. "Photographer of the Year Award" - VH-1 Fashion Awards, 1996. "Best Video" - MTV Europe Music Awards, Moby's Natural Blues, 2000. "Adult Contemporary Video of the Year" - Annual Music Video Production Association Awards, Elton John's This Train Don't Stop There Anymore, 2003. "Director of the Year" and "Best Rock Video of The Year" for No Doubt's It's My Life, Annual Music Video Production Association Awards, 2004.

Presented with GLAAD's Vito Russo Award for outstanding contributions toward eliminating homophobia, 2006.

David LaChapelle is ranked among the "top ten most important people in photography in the world" by American Photo Magazine.

You may remember:

Lost - UK Promotional trailer, Season one

Desperate Housewives - Promotional trailer, Season one

Good Stuff - Kelis

Dirrty - Christina Aguilera ft Redman

I'm Glad - Jennifer Lopez

Boots xmas advert - the glamourous women

Why his work is inspiring: Dave LaChapelle is not scared of being grotesque and controversial. Often fashion photography does not play around with too many things at once, whereas LaChapelle uses colour, quirkiness and controversy to his main advantage. He attempts to use the traits of a celebrity and exaggerate them. You may find that you laugh at some of his photography because of its irony or you may even be shocked at its vulgarity. Either way, Dave LaChapelle's work will always give you a reaction, whether you love it or hate it.

Lets take a moment to see a part of his world:

Videos

My Inspiration for Inspiration of the Week

So, I have joined a site called formspring.me. Its great, especially if you are a twitter-head like myself. It allows others to ask you questions anonymously and you are able to publicly post your responses. As stalker-ish as it sounds, its actually really fun. I've been getting some useless questions no doubt, but now and again I get some real good 'uns that make me stop to think. A question that really hit me was this,

what's a subject you wish you knew more about?

Now, before I continue, I want you to sit back and REALLY think about this. Is there a subject, topic, skill that you have always wanted to know more about or become skilled in? And if there is, what are you doing about it? Nothing? Yep me too. I know, we will both come up with a hundred and five EXCUSES. Lessons are expensive. I wouldn't know hot to go about learning. I'm too busy. But luckily for us, we are part of a generation where Google is always at our fingertips. Youtube is a virtual teacher to us all. Lets GET INVOLVED. We might find something new within ourselves that we didn't know we had to begin with. I'm just saying.

Anyway, back to the issue at hand. My response was PHOTOGRAPHY. I am quite a creative and art-appreciating person (hope thats not conceited :S). I did Art as a GCSE and followed it up as an A Level. But by this time, I had lost my passion for drawing and painting. I didn't enjoy being told what to draw and how to draw it. I don't think art should have restrictions because its a form of expression. So after my 1st year of college, I decided not to continue art and instead I picked up Photography. I loved it! One day I hope to buy my own D-SLR, which are really expensive lol.

Now all these memories brought back the photographers I had researched to inspire my own images. And one I will never forget is the work of DAVE LACHAPELLE. I would love to share some of his work with you and will do in the next post. But then I thought wait, why stop there? Why not share all my inspirations?

So thats what I will be doing each wEEk.... long story for a simple concept. But WATCH THIS SPACE :)

xxx

BTW feel free to ask me a question on formspring :) www.formspring.me/RDorable

Jay - a Very Short Story (does include swearing)

“Oi”

Shit.

“Oi, blud!”

Shit. Maybe it’s not me. I look left. I look right. I’m the only other guy on road. Shit.

“Oi, blud!”

Who the fuck are these youts? Maybe I should turn around and show them what’s good. Nah, just pretend you can’t hear, my head says. There’s a couple buses round the corner that take me straight home. These niggas wouldn’t try shit on public transport. I turn up the volume on my iPod, D-Block spitting full blast. I casually try pick up the pace as well. These times I realise I won’t hear footsteps if these youts behind me decide to try jump me. I sneak a peek behind me. They’re fucking getting closer. Shit. Shit. Shit. For a second I get shook at the sound of Jadakiss coughing in my eardrum... KMT

“Oi, Pussyole!” I think I can hear from beyond the music.

Who the fuck are these bruddas? I’m so close to this bus stop, I could run and be there in 30 seconds. But if I run, they run. Shit. Stay calm. Now think. What did I do this time? As I try remember who would want beef with me, I feel someone pull on my shoulder, hard.

“Oi Pussyole, answer me when I’m talkin' to you.” I’m face to face with the ugliest motherfucker I’ve seen in my life. This light skinned breh’s face was parred in every way. Spots and crust, that’s all I saw. This guy was mean-mugging at me, like he was waiting for somethin'. I had to hold back a laugh when I saw how midget and minor his boys were. At 5’9 I’m not even tall, but these guys were a full head shorter than me. Why the fuck did I rush for? Waste of my fuckin energy. I pull out my iPod earphones to hear this wasteman speak.

“Oi Pussyole, are you Creeper?”

“Who?” I asked. Not again. I swear I must have one infamous lookalike roaming the endz. This ain't the first time I’ve been stopped cause of this Creeper guy.

This wasteman screws up his face and brings it to my personal space. KMT, I ain’t on a homo ting. “Are you Creeper, dumbass?”

“Not even. You got the wrong breh”

“You know what I think? I think you are Creeper, you’re just too shook to say.” This guy was jarring me with his stank breath.

My temper was rising 'cause this guy was just wasting my fuckin time. I needed to bop out of this situation. “Well I’m saying you’ve got the wrong guy innit. My name’s not Creeper, never has been, never will be. My name's Jay. So I’m gonna fall out now cause mans got places to be, Fam,” I said.

“You ain’t goin' nowhere, Pussyole. You think you can jump one of my boys and get away with it? Own up or I’ll fucking murk you here and now, PUSSYOLE, “he spat his stank breath at me.

My head went into overtime...

Alright, keep your cool. What’s my options?

A) ‘fess up to something I didn’t do = get beaten up.

B) Don’t ‘fess up to something I didn’t do = get beaten the shit out of.

C) Run = get FUCKED up.

Not even D-Block can save me now. Oh shit.

Happy Ash Wednesday...time 4 Lent

So I'm hoping you guys spent yesterday pigging out on pancakes and your guilty pleasures... because today is now Ash Wednesday. Oh yes it is, my beautiful people. And you know what that means? All those guilty pleasures need to be avoided for the next 40 days. So the chocolate, cigarettes, Call of Duty, etc, its time for you to give it a complete rest. If Jesus can live for 40 days in the desert without food and water, then I'm sure you can live without COD for just over a month. This may even benefit you. For those who love to procrastinate using facebook, twitter, video games, reality tv shows etc, I'm sure you have some kind of coursework or dissertation due in March, right? Well this gives you an opportunity to solely concentrate on your studies and remain focused. And for those of you who love pigging out on utter crap like takeaways or stuff like cigarettes which are slowly damaging your lungs, perhaps this will help you grow out of these addictions.

Lets do this guys. Lets make ourselves better people, physically, mentally and spiritually... if not for 40 days then at least try it for 2 weeks... avoiding these things may become so routine that we don't notice it. And if you are reading this post AFTER Ash Wednesday and are thinking "Darn it! I'm too late!".. your wrong! There's 40 days till Easter guys, a week of sacrificing these things is better than nothing.

And what am I giving up for Lent, you ask.... well the list is..

-Coca Cola (and all other fizzy drinks)

-Chocolate

-Take Aways & Eating Out

-PROCRASTINATION!

lol but let's not be hasty! Its my 21st bday in a months time... and for my birthweek I will be doing and eating whatever the hell I want, OKAY! lol but straight after that I'll be back to sacrificing.

Anyway, I'll let you know how it all goes...

Peace & Love xoxoxox

BAD SONG ALERT!

Two of the stupidest songs I've heard.. where is the creativity these days?

Omarion: (8) I think my girl is Bi ay ay ay ayyy (8)
Chris Brown: (8) They follow me like Twitter (8) and Chris Breezy rapping? (after the 1st chorus.)

what the hell?

Letoya Luckett's new song

Letoya Luckett has always been my favourite Child of Destiny, so I've always followed her solo career. So I kinda fell in love with her last song Regret ft Ludacris (please listen if you do not already know it.) But here we have her brand new video. Here recent videos havent been the greatest quality, as she's having a couple of problems with funding from her record company or whatever. Anyway, minus that I really like this video. Its warm and has perfect timing with valentines day. Also, she was looking sooo cute and sexy, I would marry her if I could. Lol! And the guy in the video is quite a hottie... I've seen him in something before but cant quite remember.

The song itself is catchy and lets face it, it talks about everything that a girl wants in a man. [HINT HINT to all the single men reading this post].

My Drive for Optimism - Let me tell you something personal

Now I'm going to use this post to rant a little. Nothing in particular is spurring me on other than the quote shown. Please read it before you continue. Read it? Great. This is a quote made by Joseph Campbell and basically captures my own personal opinion in terms of life and success and opportunities.

You could definitely call me an optimistic person. When things are rough and certain life events are trying to hold me back in life, I'm not gonna stand still and let them stop me. No, I'm gonna push against the wind. That's how I am and I think that's the best way to be. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.

I hate when people blame their lack of success on their circumstances. And yes, I do understand that there are a lot of situations out there that can mess you up. Death in the family, battered families, etc etc. I understand that fully and that is probably why I want to become a child psychotherapist. I want children and teenagers to believe that they can EXCEED their circumstances. I want them to reflect on their experiences and stop their experiences reflecting on THEM.

When did bumming around become socially acceptable just because you came from a lower-class, single-parent family. Eff that. Let me tell you something personal. I came from a single parent family. At the time that my mum and dad got together, my dad was married to somebody else but seperated. However, a couple of years later he started living with his wife again. For the 1st decade of my childhood, I saw my dad once a week, who lives about a 10 minute walk from my house. Then at the age of 11, he retired and stopped coming to see me. No one understood why. So I remember there was a day that my mum took me to his house to go see him. Only he wasn't at the house, or even in the country. He had built a house in Jamaica and moved there. No goodbye. There were times where he would come back to England to check on his wife and older kids, but never check on me, even thou we lived so near by. Now I've heard plenty more fucked up families than this, but trust me this is only part 1 of my daddy issues.

The point is I was 11 years old. This is the kind of thing that would take its toll on an 11 year old, even just a little bit. My mum's first reaction was "a child needs her father". My reaction to her reaction was "to hell with that..." I didn't mope about or cry or anything. But I do remember thinking to myself "I don't care, I don't need him and I'm gonna show him how much I don't need him in my life." I was always a smart child in school, but when this happened to me I raised to the top of my classes. I made promises to myself that I would be successful and financially-privileged so that the day my Dad decides to come back into my life, show him what i achieved without him. I have seen my dad a couple of times since and he sends me bday cards and xmas cards every year nowadays. In fact, before I started uni he came to see me. I didn't make much of an effort to spend time with him, since he didnt make an effort with me before. But before he left to go back to Jamaica, he gave me a cheque for £5000. Yes you read it right. £5000. I still haven't spent this money by the way, its in a savings account somewhere. Very generous of him, right? But I'm sorry I can't be bought. Though I will spend it. Lol am I a bitch for this?

Anyway, my point is, I took a negative situation and made it work for me for the better. All that you need is to create a dream for yourself. Its not hard. Everyone has something in life that makes them happy. Whether its to dance, to write, to babysit. You just need to find that thing and think how can I use this to make me both happy and successful. Love what you do and do what you love. And as the quote above says, new doors will open for you that you probably were not looking for before. This is how life works. Its not going to help if you don't ask for help. And if anyone has ever read or watched The Secret (by Rhonda Byrne and others) you will know that positive thinking brings opportunities and positive experiences. So if you are not already doing so, START NOW!

But please remember...

Always Chase the Dream, but Never Refuse to see Reality